Oh man....this week is....no words can express my feelings...................
I
know the Lord has a plan for each and every one of us...who knew He'd
make something we thought was a one time deal...a bazillion time deal?!
If you don't want to read about everything else, I exhort you to read
about my Sunday. Because...that's the day everything changed.
Well, lets start with Wednesday the 27th shall we? during the day,
Sis. Hansen (member) picked us up. Our appt fell thought, so we went to
her house and taught her three kids and their friend, Trevor! (good
name!) once the kids left for the lake, Sis. Hansen showed us around her
farm / ranch. She had two pics (1 black - kept biting at Sis. Verdejo's
toes - would let us pet him; and 1 white - skid-dish). 4 dogs (breeds
them - has a huge gentle giant named king and one in labor somewhere in
her five acres), 2 rabbits with cute baby bunnies, goats and chickens
(along with some chicks). That was SO much fun! Got a lil' muddy - but
nothing a good wash can't take off!
Our last appt with Sis. Hansen was Sis. Porter. We got to her
house...oh my GOODNESS! Huge GORGEOUS home! We had fun talking with her,
then I played on my dream piano = a baby black grand! Oh mama that
thing was beautiful! I played the piece I composed in Abingdon, VA; then
I was asked to play another, so I played and sung my mom song, Endlessly.
Of course, the whole time I'm singing, I'm thinking about my mom.
Towards the end of the song, tears started forming in my eyes. I was
able to finish - they loved it!
In the evening we taught the achievement day girl named Sapphire.
The teacher and her daughter, Morgan were there too. We taught about
sacrament. Eventually the elders joined in.
Thursday the 28th, we woke up at 5:30 am, left at 6:30 am and
arrived at the church at 7:05 am. The Cleveland S. Elders (Byron and
Brown) jumped into our backseat and we headed to Farragut, TN for the
mission conference (all 150 missionaries) to train us on Ipads! I got to
see Blau there and she LOVES sister Mulloy! That made me super happy! I
had been praying so hard that she'd get a companion that she'd get
along with! The meeting was long...but good! We got to have Elder Zwick
of the seventy and another come and train us along with our mission
president and wife. I got a package from my mom with my deep blue
essential oil! whoop whoop! Thanks mom! (She REALLY takes care of me!)
When we got back to the church, we had used 112 miles. In this
area, we're only allotted 1150 miles and we have to drive more than
Abingdon; in which we were allotted 1250! crazy! We were told we would
be reimbursed for our miles - then we find out, we were only given 30
miles! WHAT?! Elder Houghton wasn't going to allow that. After much
talking to the AP's we were finally given 80 miles! Thank goodness! We
now have 17 miles a day until the new month! We ended up seeing Bernice
(who we met Sunday) and finished teaching the Resto. She is GOLDEN!
Friday at 9 am we had our correlation with Bro and Sis. Peterson
(Mission Leader) and the Elders at the church. When we got back we did
our weekly planning. Good times. When we were done, we went and visited
Jen and Joe. We re-taught them the POS. The spirit was REALLY strong!
Saturday - MY BEST FRIENDS GOT MARRIED!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Sunday....this is the day that my whole world got flipped around.
It's happening again! OK, so I read all my blessings yesterday and felt
really good about what I'm doing and I read the blessing I received from
Elder Houghton (I record them then type them up) last week. It said I
had a reason for being here - so I tried to list off some reasons. in
the morning, I woke up and on the way to church (Peterson's were
driving) anything anyone said would really annoy me. I was not in a good
mood and I was tired.
We got to church and went in to PEC (Priesthood Executive Council) -
the whole time I was there, everyone annoyed me, I felt sick to my
stomach and I felt like crying. I pushed it back cause I didn't know
what was causing those feelings! I was so confused. I put on a smile and
did my best to act as if nothing was wrong. My Mom always told me that
even when I'm feeling down, put on a smile for the world to see, because
you never know who your smile will influence. By the time PEC ended
(Oh, BTW - I gave a spiritual thought on prayer!) I felt like bawling
and throwing up. I was going to ask if we could go to the restroom, but
RS (Relief Society) was starting. I knew Sis. Warren (Member) needed our
assistance in the lesson, so I told myself to get over it, allow
Heavenly Father to help you and be happy! I honestly had NO idea why I
was feeling that way! So, RS happened - was a lot of fun! The feeling
faded a lil' until the end.
Gospel Principals started and I noticed I could barely concentrate.
I held back tears and I felt sick even more so to my stomach. During
the lesson, I couldn't hold back anymore. I looked at Sis. Verdejo and
said I needed to use the restroom. As I was saying this, tears started
forming in my eyes and my lips started trembling. She asked if I was
alright. I did my best to hide it, but it was starting to really show so
I dashed out of the room into a stall in the bathroom. Lemme tell ya-
it's hard to cry softly...especially in the bathroom! Any-who,
eventually after everyone left (sure is a popular place) Sis. Verdejo
asked, "Are you alright?" I came out of the stall and tried to convince
her I was fine - but it's kind of hard to when they see you about to
burst into tears!
It
ended up with both of us outside with me crying and telling her that I
had no idea why I was sad. I felt sick to my stomach, I felt sad and I
felt like I was missing something. It was kind of embarrassing, because
members kept walking out. Sis. Warren gave me such a warm hearted hug! It
was like I was hugging my mom! I was very grateful for that. Little did
I know what was yet to come.
Elder Shaw gave a talk that mentioned word for word what I talked
about with Sis. Verdejo (well, part of it). It wasn't his original talk
either! Amazing! I was able to be a lil' happier the rest of church.
Still had the sick feeling in my stomach, and my heart was racing - but I
was better!
When
we got home, I was so exhausted that I plopped on the couch and closed
my eyes (lunch hour anyways). As I was laying there, my thoughts
suddenly went to going home. I felt like I was only still on my mission
for my siblings because I wanted to be the example as their oldest
sibling that served faithfully her FULL time
mission. Then, a feeling came that I NEVER felt before! I felt that
I've completed my mission. "WHAT?! I STILL HAVE 7 MONTHS!!!" I tried to deny the idea. I continued rehearsing the blessings I've been given
before how I was promised to have healing enough to do what the Lord had
for me in this part of His vineyard. Not only that, but I have been
doing great. Yes, I have struggled a little bit with my neck, but was
planning on getting that worked out with massage therapy. I have talked
to my parents about it through a letter, and members here have
recommended some great suggestions. There was no way that my physical
stuff was limiting me enough to make me think about going home. It just
came out of NOWHERE!
Sis. Verdejo was eating at the table and asked, "You gonna eat?" I
chuckled and put some salad in a bowl, and while I was eating started
talking to her about my thoughts while I was lying down. She got so
quiet and you could see it in her eyes there was something up. So, I
asked. It was then that she looked at me square in the yes and said that
when I said the words, "Go home," the spirit was REALLY strong. I swear
my heart stopped for a full 2 seconds. I had to catch my breath!
Eventually I asked her what she thought it meant. She shrugged and
replied, "I don't know if it means that you need to go home, or stay on
your mission." Her eyes widened. She then went on to explain that as
soon as she said, "Stay here," the spirit went away.
Tears started forming when I realized the reality of what was just
said. I grabbed my now empty salad bowl, threw it in the sink while
yelling, "IT CAN'T HAPPEN AGAIN!!!" I stormed off into the bedroom,
slammed the door like a little toddler, looked at the picture of Christ
on our wall and out loud (loudly) begged, "PLEASE don't send me home
again! PLEASE tell me to stay! I'll do better! I PROMISE! I'll work
harder~! I'll not complain as much! I'll be better I PROMISE! Just
PLEASE don't send me home again!" The whole time I was crying and
staring at the picture of Christ I was thinking, "You know how I feel!
Please don't make me do this!" when I stopped crying and screaming, the
thought came to me, "You need to go home."
I reflected on ALL my past experiences and remembered my blessing
which told me that through the scriptures I would know the will of God. I
remembered that's how I got my answer before. I came back out
determined to get an answer in the scriptures telling me to stay. I
wasn't going to mess around. In my head I basically said, "You show me
in one turn." I grabbed my Book of Mormon, and without thinking I just
whipped open a page. I ended up in Alma 19:28 which reads, "And thus the
contention began to be exceedingly sharp among them," (there had been
contention in my heart all day). Then later on in the vs it stated, "She
was exceedingly sorrowful, even unto tears." RIGHT next to that I had
written a while back, "Knew the reason." My heart melted. I knew the
reason I was crying at this point. I KNEW THE REASON!
So of course, I started crying to Verdejo - then realized it was
time to call my Mission President. I told him the whole story! Crying,
sobbing, and everything! I told him I was scared! I didn't want to go
home! After talking I read to him the scripture and what had happened.
After more talking, he told me a scripture just popped up into his mind.
We turned to it (Sis. Verdejo was with me): D&C 124:49. Whenever it
said, "Sons of Men," I put in daughter since I'm a girl. "Verily,
Verily, I say unto you, that when I give a commandment to any of the
daughters of men to do a work unto my name..." (that's what I'm doing!
I'm doing His work - missionary work - under His name (Pres. Griffin
talked me through the verse)). "...and those daughters of men go with
all their might..." (I work with all my might every day!) "...and with
all they have to perform that work..." (I give my all, all the time - or
so I try). "...and cease not their diligence..." (I try not to) :...and
their enemies come upon them..." (enemies could even include my
physical pains he told me) "...and hinder them from performing that
work..." (my physical pain has limited me and hindered me at times).
"...it behooveth me to require that work no more at the hands of those
daughters of men, but to accept of their offerings." As SOON as he read
that last part, I started sobbing. He asked me what I felt that last
part meant. I told him I didn't want to answer because I didn't want it
to happen! (We talked and I was laughing and crying thought the
conversation. He told me I was the first person he had ever met that
cried and laughed at the same time! Was funny!) When I told him that, he
replied how he thinks I just got my answer. I went on to tell him that I
still had 7 months left. He brought up my mission call letter, how it
states, "It is anticipated that you will serve for a period of 8
months." He told me that the brethren knew it might not be 18 months.
Also, that we can't put a time limit on God's work.
My thoughts were everywhere! As we were reading that last part of
D&C, I believe the Holy Ghost brought to my remembrance what I told
people before my missions, that I would extend my mission to two years
if I could. It then dawned on me - with the time I've served as full
time missionary and the year I was home (in which I was told in a
blessing that Heavenly Father included my time home as part of my full
time mission) this past 21st was my 2 year mark. There came a point
while talking with President that my heart started to accept this call
from God. I said, "President Griffin, all I ask is for two favors. One,
that I can finish out the transfer." He agreed I could. "And two, YOU
call my parents," he chuckled. He agreed he would. The reason I wanted
him to make the phone call, is because I've made that phone call once
before, and it broke my heart to tell my Mom I'm coming home early from
my mission. All I want is my parent's to be proud of me. Now, this
doesn't mean I don't think they are or will be of me...I just don't like
breaking this kind of news to my loved ones...especially my wonderful
mom who has done SO much for me! Also, I want to stay as focused as I
can for the next 5 weeks - and I know that if I talk to my mom, my
thoughts would be distracted from the work. I know that because this is
the pathway the Lord wants me to follow, Heavenly Father will help my
parents understand.
I got permission from President to allow the elders to come over to
our apt and give me a blessing. When they came over, we all sat and and I
told them the story. The EXACT same thing happened to me as it did to
Sis. Verdejo earlier - as I said go home, the spirit was strong. As I
said stay, the spirit went away. Was very interesting. As I was
explaining the whole story, I felt this peaceful feeling, even as I do
now in writing this.
As Sister Verdejo was saying a prayer before the blessing, I kept
feeling like I should ask Elder Shaw to give me the blessing. Once the
prayer ended, I did just that. He seemed surprised but willing. The Elders put their hands on my head and started the blessing by saying my
full name and said they were acting under the Melchizedek Priesthood.
Afterwards, he started addressing me throughout the whole blessing by my
first name. I knew that he knew that I go by Sister Thomas right now -
so that was one example of God telling me it was time to go home. After
a little bit, he went on to say, "Heavenly Father knows that you know
the right thing to do." Well...there's my 2nd example. THEN he went on
to say later, "He blesses you that you'll have the opportunity to be a
worthy mother and wife." There's my 3rd example - because I don't
believe Heavenly Father would tell me that if I was staying and needed
to focus on the work. He went on to talk about genealogy and that I
still have a purpose. Then he said, "As you finish your time here in
Tennessee, you will continue to feel His strength." FINISH?!
Alright...my mind was made up. Heavenly Father wanted me to go home. As I
just wrote that, my mind reflected loudly the scripture I read in Alma
10:7 - "Return to thine own house."
Later on in the blessing, there was along pause. At first, I
thought he was about to end it Then I said a prayer in my heart saying,
"Heavenly Father, I feel now that I must go home. Is this the right
decision?" (even now as I write this, the spirit is SO strong!) Almost
immediately after I asked this (NOT out loud) Elder Shaw through the
promptings of the Holy Ghost said, "He blesses you that you made the
right decision." My jaw literally DROPPED! Yes, I knew the blessings
were from God and that He heard me, but I've never had that kind of
experience before. I've heard of my Mom's and other people's
experiences; but it was really cool to experience it for myself. He went
on to say the work I have and will give has been accepted. And that
Heavenly Father believes and trusts in me! He said many other wonderful
things that helped secure my answer.
I know what I must do now. President had wanted us both to pray and
sleep on it then talk about it this morning. But now, I know without at
doubt this is the plan that Heavenly Father has for me. Why? I don't
know right now - but as I've learned in the past, that as I humbly and
cheerfully submit my will to the Father's, I can't go wrong.
I am scared out of my wits about going home with school, work,
dating, etc. I feel like I am very smart in the Gospel, but only
semi-smart (because I know I'd get lectured if I said not smart) with
everyone (most everything) else. What does Heavenly Father have in store
for me going home "early"? Guess I'll find out!
My testimony has not wavered at all! If anything ,it's grown immensely!
Last week, Elder Houghton said that he felt Sis. Verdejo was my
companion to help me know where the line stands between taking care of
myself vs pushing myself through my struggles. I feel she did just that
as she was in tune with the spirit enough to help start my process in
recognizing that it was my time. I am SO grateful for her and all that
she has done for me!
I have talked with President this morning, and he's going to get
the ball rolling. So for all of you that would like to meet me at the
airport when I come home, it'll be July 2nd. Oh btw, transfer day is on
July 1st. I was sent to the MS Jackson mission on July 1st, 2013. Crazy,
right?! It's amazing to see God's plan shown to us piece by piece.
I
hope all of you can accept the decision I have made through the Lord.
And if you are struggling with it, please pray to get the answer for
yourself; because I know that since this is His plan for me, you too can
know that this is the way I must go.
I still have five fun filled weeks left and I plan on using them wisely and with every minute used!
I
love you all! I'll let you know more of the details the closer it gets
.... and when I find out! This will be my last 5 weeks as a full time
missionary, until I decide to serve a mission with my husband later on
in my life.
Love,
Sista T.
Please write! 710 N. Tellico st. #3 Madisonville, TN 37354
As
you can see...Sister Verdejo and I had kind of a paint war with each
other...and that's James, he's the owner of the store. His wife,
Michelle is taking the picture. They invited us for dinner at a church.
Saw Bernice and her neighbors there! Had a great time! Afterwards we
went back to the original "way of Hope" building and they gave us some
Italian Ice! YUM! They asked questions! oh the joys of service! Not
forceful! YAY! It was an ALL day experience! 
